Deep DEEP Breaths.

I'm sitting at my desk when the phone rings.
"I ordered a book and I want to check on it."
I look up the order and say that I would expect the book to arrive in the next two days.
"I ordered three copies!"
Crap. "Well, only one is due to arrive, but let me order two more."
"But you said they would be in tomorrow."
"I expect ONE to be in either tomorrow or the next day."
"So if I come in tomorrow, what will happen?"
Oh. My. God. "They won't be here."
"I just don't understand why not."
"Well, I just ordered two more copies. The original will be here soon, but the other two will take a bit longer."
"Okay. I'll be by tomorrow."
Click.
GRR.
AND THEN SHE CALLED BACK. Maybe hoping to talk to a different person? Nope, still me.

Hours later the phone rings. J answers, and from her conversation I can tell she's talking to the same woman. The woman's book arrived during the day, so she should be able to pick it up tomorrow. And yes, two more books are on order. No, they will not be here tomorrow.

Is that the end of it?

NO.
Because today, I'm fiddling around with the printer when a woman approaches me. "I have three books on hold."
I ask for her last name and inwardly groan. "Ma'am, I spoke to you yesterday. ONE of your books is in. The other two were ordered, remember?" I go grab her book. She looks it over and says she'll be back.
I hide.
When she comes back, H begins to ring her up, and this woman? SHE STARTS TALKING SHIT ABOUT ME.
"I talked to someone yesterday and she was really unclear. Why aren't all my books here?"
I've been a LOT of things in my life, but unclear? Not one of my weak points.
I jump in, saying, "You spoke to me yesterday. We already talked about this. I ordered your extra books yesterday."
"Well, you didn't make that very clear. You told me they'd be in today."
NO. I. DID. NOT.
"I called a few times. Both people told me I could come in and pick up all my books."
Now, that's just flat-out LIES. I've tried being nice. But clearly that's NOT working, because she's twisting everything I'm saying.
I'm starting to lose it. I told you I ordered the books yesterday from the warehouse. I told you this mulitple times. They have to be shipped--they can't just appear!"
"I don't like shopping here. I have to deal with too many people."
"But...you only dealt with me. I'm not sure what you're upset about? I gave you all the information about your order. Twice."
"You weren't clear."
"I told you the books weren't here. They are coming from the warehouse." Seriously? It really can't get any clearer.
"Well, you just keep telling yourself what you need to hear." Whoa.
"I'm sorry you misunderstood."
"Too many people to deal with here. No one knows what's going on. No one can tell me anything correct."
Hmm...correct as in, what YOU want to hear? Correct as in, you want a book, poof! here it is? No, no one is going to tell you that because THAT INVOLVES MAGIC.

And another thing, lady? You never deal with the same person because the retail turn-over rate is so high because people like you make people like me go home and eat nails, drink draino, or just straight-up bash our heads against brick. All of which would be better alternatives then EVER dealing with you again.


After she leaves I'm shaking. I'm so angry. H gives me a big hug and says, "My favorite part was when you told her that books don't magically appear."
"BECAUSE THEY DON'T. It's called an 'order' because it has to be. Ordered. From somewhere else. If it was here, we'd go get it. TO MAKE HER LEAVE."
"You're a birdie."
I crack a (small) smile.
And then go home for lunch and crawl into bed, pull the covers over my head, and deeply, dreamlessly sleep for an hour.
SO the best hour of the day.