Little Stories.

I'm sitting at the computer, ordering books and checking sales numbers. I see, out of the corner of my eye, a girl approaching the register. She stops at the card table, so I assume she's started browsing there. Every few seconds I glance over because I feel like she keeps looking at me. Finally I say, "Can I help you find something?"
"Um? I'd like to check out?"
HOLY FUCKING JESUS. If you want to check out, you must approach the register. Lurking five feet away looking at cards is NOT an indicator that you would like to purchase material and exit the store. The company is not paying me to stand behind a register and coax you into checking out. Therefore, when I am behind the desk, I will be busying myself with other tasks until someone decides they would like to pay. I was not under the impression that I had to hold your freaking hand and lead you to the register.
Don't be so shady about checking out. Good god. Just walk up to the damn register and slap your shit down. Don't creepily look at me and hope that I'll guess that examining cards=I want to leave the store please let me pay.

And also? Don't walk up, stop a foot away, and wave your book around. Why do people do this? Once again, if you approach the register with an item, I can pretty much guess what you want to do. AND I'M NOT A FAN OF GUESSING GAMES. So the fact that I get the implication means it's pretty damn obvious that the book in your hand is one you'd like to own. One that I! Will! Let! You! Buy!
BUT YOU MUST GET ALL THE WAY TO THE COUNTER.
Standing a yard away and waving the book still isn't going to help.

Be a little bit more assertive, people. It's getting irritating.

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A woman brings up a magazine. As I ring her up, she picks up the magazine and tucks it under her arm. So I give her the change without offering a bag. Because when you pick up your purchase and don't leave it on the counter for me to automatically bag it? That's usually an indicator that you don't want a bag.
"It's raining out," she says.
"Oh, again?" I figure she's making small talk.
"Aren't you going to give me a bag?" Aren't you going to stop being passive-aggressive?
"Okay.." I start digging under the counter.
"It's raining. You should give a bag."
DUDE. I would have if you weren't holding the magazine. Should I take a bag and shove it over your hand, magazine and all, like a mitten?
And can we also call attention to the fact that it's dark out and I've been in the store for the past five hours, so I honestly have no idea that it may have started sprinkling in the past ten minutes?
Sheesh.

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"This is yesterday's Times."
"Okay," I say. People often want the previous day's paper. "One dollar."
"Can I get a discount? It's old."
"It's still a dollar. We can get full credit for it."
"So I have to pay?"
"Yes."
"That's stupid."
You're stupid, I want to say.

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A faculty member buys some books. She then turns to the card table, where we have started carrying these little metal notebooks fastened with a pen. After fumbling for a minute, she turns to me and says sharply, "How do you open this?"
I lean over, pull out the pen, and the book pops open.
"That was tricky!"
I smile but can't muster up any words to assure her that she's not a dumbass because I know I'll sound completely fake. Instead I say, "It's a neat little mechanism!"
WHAT ARE THESE WORDS THAT ARE COMING OUT OF MY MOUTH?

I hate my life.