bestsellers, and only bestsellers, are 30% off.

Today was my first day off in 14 days. And it was gloooooorious. I slept late, had lots of tea, and didn't get dressed until 4pm when I threw Charlie in a tote bag and brought him into the store for a visit. (Yes, I realize this is really weird. But C. really really wanted to see him because he's seriously the snuggliest baby in the world. And he was being such a nuisance to lin that she deserved a break.)

While I was at the store, I of course looked over my floor because I'm kind of a control freak. I glanced at the bestseller wall and thought of a particularly infuriating conversation I'd had last week. The person didn't understand why "The Da Vinci Code" was 30% off in paperback but not hardcover. It had been on the hardcover list for like 150 weeks, but came off when the paperback version came out. People started buying the pb version, obviously, and not the hardcover. Therefore, the hardcover is no longer a BESTSELLER, because it's no longer selling. (Well, it still is, but not like before.) This concept is so clear to me that I was having a hard time explaining (which is probably why I wouldn't be a great teacher). And then I started over-explaining, rambling on about different ISBNs and that not every version of "Pride and Prejudice" is the same price and some other nonsense. He looked at me and said, "What the hell is an ISBN?"

Now, an ISBN is a bookseller's best friend. Every version of every book has a specific ISBN. If you want me to search for "Pride and Prejudice," I'll get probably a hundred different hits. If you want me to search for this version, give me the 10 digit ISBN and that's the only thing that will come up. It works even better when you want a book with a one-word name. ISBNs are fabulous, and anyone who has one is my best friend. (But I refuse to pronounce it "iz-bin." There are lines I will not cross.)

That said, I know that most people aren't familiar with what an ISBN is. However, I would hope that the general public at least understands the difference between hardcover and paperback. I mean, as a concept, and also because..um...they look different and feel different and one's cover is hard and the other one's is not.

And while I'm talking about the difference between hardcover and paperback, I might as well address this point: Books do not come out in hardcover and paperback similtaneously. They come out in hardcover, which is obviously more expensive, first. Then, sometimes almost a year later, they arrive in paperback. This is so the people who are too cheap to buy a book in hardcover have to wait, and sometimes they don't want to wait, and then they buy it for the more expensive price. This is also just how things work. So never ever walk into a bookstore on the day a book is released and say, "Do you have this in paperback?" That is one of the silliest questions imaginable to me.

Also, if a book like "The World is Flat" has been on the hardcover bestseller list for a long time, and it's still there, they ("they") ARE NOT going to put it out in pb. WHY would they do that if they're still making money off the hardcover version? THINK, people! THINK!

To review: know your ISBNs, never ask for pb for at least nine months after the release of the hc, and please, above all else, don't pretend that I have even a little bit of control over what is on the bestseller wall. It's a bestseller because people are buying it. If they stop buying it, it ceases to be one. If it's not on there now, it might later, but don't hold your breath.

Unless it's the new Dan Brown. Then, I suppose, you have 152 weeks.