Uncertainty.

So, "Lost" has been renewed until 2010. I'm a "Lost" fan, and I think that having a definitive ending point--not something a lot of TV shows have the luxury of knowing--will be important for such a sprawling storyline.
But it really freaks me out that I will be 30 when the show ends. THIRTY.

We have so many expectations of our lives. I remember long talks with friends where we'd work out a timeline: "I'd like to be married by 27. That seems like a good age. Have a career for a bit, have children around 32, maybe another at 35. Yes, that will do nicely. [Insert name here]'s parents are too young/old/etc and I definitely don't want to be that type of parent."
As if it were that easy. As if we could just pick an age to have our lives start. Or start again, if you thought high school or college or a job were really where things would take off. Like we can just choose those things. Like we can choose anything in our lives.

The fact that I have absolutely no idea where I will be or what I will be doing in three years is absolutely terrifying. I don't have a boyfriend that I expect to be engaged to or a job where I'm anticipating advancement. In fact--and I don't mean this to sound bleak, because I'm not at all upset about my current state of affairs--in fact, I kind of feel more free than I have in, well, forever--I have nothing to expect, right now, for my thirtieth year. Frightening, yes, especially when my friends are pairing up or having babies or moving to new places.
But I seriously cannot picture my life in three years. At all.
However, it is somehow strangely comforting to know that, wherever I am--and I'm expecting it to be pretty great, because I always had big plans for 30--I can at least go home from--or to-- whatever fabulous life I'm leading to watch "Lost."

I have always enjoyed routine.