Whine vs Wine.

"I'm looking for a books called 'Why Don't Crones Whine'."
I begin a search for the book, turn up nothing and ask if she's sure that's the title.
"Yes. It's 'whine,' w-h-i-n-e, not w-i-n-e."
No shit.
I say, "Yes, I used the verb, not the noun."
"You didn't put an H in."
"Yes. I did."
It would be cool though if there were a book called "Why don't Crones Wine." In fact, if I'm a crone I hope I wine all the time. I wine now. Pour me a glass, I'm wining it up.
In fact, if you KEEP TELLING ME HOW TO SPELL SIMPLE WORDS AND TALKING TO ME LIKE I'M A MORON, I'm skipping the whole glass business. Just hand me the effing bottle.