i am a liar

Today I had a couple instances where the customer inferred through a facial expression or eye movement that I am, in fact, a liar.

Interaction 1.
I am standing at the register. There is not a line, but many people are milling about. A woman approaches me and says, "I have been told you don't have this book. What other store has it?" I explain that we are not hooked to any other stores, even our own company's. "Well, the other day the other woman said she could look at what other stores have it." I again say that we simply cannot do that on the computer. Meaning, the verb "look" would not have been used by one of my co-workers. If that person had had time, she could have called another store to look, but since that takes a bit of time (we're placed on hold for a while), we usually give the number of another store, especially when we're alone.
Of course, by then, a line had accumulated. I begin to explain to the woman that really, the computer does not tell us, and the phone might. She interrupts me to say, "Never mind," and then walks away, stopping to turn back and yell, "THE OTHER WOMAN SAID SHE COULD. MAYBE YOU SHOULD LEARN HOW TO DO THAT."
Yeah. I wish i could reach into my ass and find an answer for you in under FIVE FUCKING SECONDS. That would be FUN! But, shucks, you walked away too soon. Bye bye.

Interaction 2.
A woman asks for a book. Our warehouse states "Out of stock indefinitely." I don't really know what that means. It could be being reprinted. It could be that no one has ever bought it. It could be five million other reasons. I say, "Well, our warehouse seems to be out of it indefinitely. It's probably being reprinted." (I've learned this is the safest response. Most people just say, "oh, okay" and leave. I like that.) Not here. "That's my son's book!!!!!" Okay, I have no response. "Why don't you have it?" Yeah, still don't know. I'm given four words. Again, they are OUT. OF. STOCK. INDEFINITELY. "BUT THAT'S NOT TRUE!" Oh dear god, if you exist, please save me.

Interaction 3.
And he is a cruel god, because this interaction interrupts the woman with the son. "I am looking for a book. I don't know the author or title. It's about apologies." Okay. This book sounds familiar. I kind of know what he's talking about. We can work with this. I ask, "Do you have the title or author?" Of course not. "It is about apologies that people make in public. Can't you do a keyword search of apology?" Well, I could but that might take me past my child-bearing years into retirement. "Could you narrow it down? Do you know a word in the title?"
He seems to. "OH! The word 'sorry' is in the title."
Now, I am really, really good at deductive reasoning. And I'm also really, really good at taking what people call "keywords" and using them to the best of my ability to find a book. I actually find pleasure in these tasks. It's fun for me. But at the store, my resources are limited. I don't have the internet. I have our search program with its serious limitations. Thus, searching for various combinations of "sorry" "public" and "apology" failed to work. I really did know what he was talking about, but I had no way to lead him there, other than, "It would be on the second floor." This wasn't good enough, clearly, because his parting words were, "I saw all those results, and you're not going to give me the answer? Ridiculous." As he stormed away, I called him back. I mean, I worked with him for five minutes. I used all my deductive reasoning based on the completely SHODDY information he gave me.
"Sir? SIR? SIR? You must know that those results were books with titles that had the words you asked me to search for. I'm unclear about what else you would like me to do, because you seem angry?" He then faltered, realizing how ridiculous he must be to think that I was plotting against him. "No, no, you've really done all you can, thank you so much."
FYI: I found your book in 1.2 seconds on the internet. It's not called "Sorry."


I do have to give credit to the woman who said, at the end of my "the store is closing in 15 minutes" announcement, "You are SO polite! You are just the cutest!" Since she was cute herself, I said, jokingly, "Well, you should hear me at 9. It's not pretty." "Oooh," she said in a whisper, "do you basically tell them to get out?"
"Yes, and I tell them that my dinner is waiting and it's getting cold while they choose between Vogue and Vanity Fair...they may not care to eat dinner, but I do."
Peals of laughter followed her out of the store. And I actually left with a smile on my face.